Saddest part of a broken heart

Separated by kilometres,
But distant due to the choices.
You’ve made
I’ve made
I’m not sure anymore.
But now we couldn’t be more apart.

The changes were slow and intangible.
The result feels unfixable.
A titanic shift,
a new world order,
with a burdening silence.

I’ve been fighting for our relationship for longer than I should.
Fighting so hard that I didn’t realize I was fighting it alone.

Now that I have stopped
I can see that you are not standing next to me,
I can see that you are not standing up for me,
do you even want to try?

You’ve rewritten your tale to ease your burden
but it overburdens mine.

You mask the mistakes in your new narrative.
Telling yourself what you need to.

Scripting life
Fuelled by pride
Rewriting parts
Recasting roles
Pretending that the empty spaces are no fault of your own,
but they are.

For all the dragons I have slain
All the bandages I have wrapped
And all the pain I have swallowed

I could have sworn you would have done the same for me
But now I see
That you won’t

The saddest part of a broken heart
Is the part that you swear that the person
Couldn’t do it
Wouldn’t do it
But does

The saddest part of a broken heart Is the lie you tell yourself
That the other cares
When the truth is
They don’t

Maybe this friendship has been lost for more time than I could see.
than I would allow myself to see,
but I just kept holding on.

I could call you and yell
I could call you and cry
I could call you and explain

To try and find a way
But it’s not my job to fight for us,
anymore

It’s not my job to see us through,
anymore.

I’m standing here
Walk to me
Stand next to me
Be here now
Or walk away.

But I won’t come find you,
anymore.

the spoken word

I conceive these pieces with the beat of my heart,
then birth them with the fire of my voice.

Ayla VejdaniJune 20, 2020