You are the answer
azizam,
You are the answer you keep looking for.
You are spending all your time trying to build eachother, the other, but the building has to come
from within.
It's all a mirror, the triggers, frustrations, a mirror to what you have to shift, within.
You disconnected with yourself, focused so much on each other, that you stagnated your
growth.
Start by understanding what you want (not what everyone else wants) and owning it. The "hands off approach" to life is not an option. "Shutting down" and retreating from the overwhelm will only make matters worse. Action is needed. Power, intention and direction are crucial.
Your freedom lies in your warrior.
Look within and actually admit what is wrong. "Sweeping under the rug" is not an option. "Happy go lucky" is creating a false reality. Radical inner truth about self (not others) is needed. Honesty, rawness, and deep deep deep vulnerability are essential.
Your beauty (and freedom) lies in your ugly.
You have to show up in new ways to create the change you crave.
You are giving away your power. Your lack of sense of self, confidence, and clarity, comes from a disconnect of self and an overreliance on others for direction. The remedy is to connect to your higher self and use your voice.
What are you so afraid to say? What are you so afraid to lose? Why are you tagging yourself out? What is crippling you to act? How can you get your power back? Why do you think everyone knows better than you? What is it that you crave? Who is the man you want to be? How can you show up for this person? How can you save yourself? What is your soul worth? How can you bet on yourself? How can you depend on yourself? What would you say if you could say all the things you are so afraid to say? Set yourself free, use your voice.
You are trying not to feel your real feelings. Distraction is your poison. The lack of honesty with self, self knowledge, and integration of your shadow are keeping you stuck. To discover who you really are, what you really want, you first have to admit all that you hide. First and foremost share this with yourself.
What do I hide? What am I ashamed of? Who am I when no one is watching? What trauma have I buried? How is that affecting me today? How can I love these parts of myself? What is underneath my glossy varnish? What would happen if I sand it all off? After I see my true self, then I can get to know her, only then can I understand her, and start discovering what she really wants. The "who am I" question and "what do I want" has to go backwards before it can go forward, otherwise the answers will be superficial. There is a long road ahead, it will be longer if you are not radically honest with yourself about all the parts you hide --- from yourself and the world. Set yourself free, unmask yourself.
You are the answer.
You are what you have been looking for.
You are what you need right now.
Go to yourself.
xo,
a
i am ayla
born in the east, raised in the west
daughter of two academics, both artists
masters in human rights, committed to social justice
love affair with travel, art, and food
speaks four languages, laughs in all